I'm Scared of Christmas

As December 25th approaches, a million things are running through my head. Has it really been 3 years since I kissed him, held his hand, made love to him? I miss my best friend so much, and 3 years means nothing. It hasn't made it easier. If anything, it's harder. What do I do? How do I stop hurting?

I haven't made the best choices in these 3 years. Sometimes people say "What would Justin think if he
could see you now?" Like that's supposed to hurt me. You know what he would do? He would take me in his arms and swing me back and forth and say "It'll all be ok now." He was the most understanding person I've ever met.

So, 3 years later I'm alone and broke and missing him just as much. Sometimes I hear a voice or see a face that reminds me of him and it knocks my breath right out of my lungs. I pray that he comes to me in my dreams, I miss him so much. I just miss doing nothing with him.

So here comes Christmas, the day he died, and all I can think is "Merry Christmas, right?" Happy holidays? Sure. Bring my husband back and then we'll talk.

Just one more dance...